Mean Jokes Reddit
my first time driving was alot like my first time having sex
i had no idea what i was doing, but dad was sure keen to show me
I saw 2 blind guys squaring up to each other for a fight.
I shouted, “My money's on the one with the knife!"
You should’ve seen them both run away.
What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Jack Daniels?
Jack Daniels comes alive when you add coke.
A Murderer, A Domestic Abuser & Klansman Walk Into A Bar
The bartender says "what will it be officer?"
Americans actually have the most advanced technology right now.
While kids in foreign countries bring their MP3 players to school, we bring our MP5s!
EDIT: We now bring MP7s.
EDIT #2: We now bring MP9s! Holy shit, we really upgraded quickly!
EDIT #3: Well shit, it's lockdown... hope we get an MP11 sooner or later!
Me-I love to help blind and mute people, I think I'm insane!!
Doctor-How is that bad??
Me- I mean the adjective
Black people use hot sauce on everything...
because they have developed a taste for pepper spray.
Third wave feminism?
More like third reich feminism
Got arrested for racial assault because I tackled this Indian man to the floor.
I was only protecting him from a sniper.
Lucky for him I saw the laser sight before the guy took one in the head.
My friend claims his weight problem is down to his glands.
I think it's because he's got an overactive knife and fork.
People say Steve Jobs died too soon.
I think it was a fitting metaphor for his company’s attitude to battery life.
Most Canadians love to go out clubbing.
Unless there are no seals around.
When your cumming into a girls mouth with braces
Your putting your kids behind bars.
Why can't you rape a crippled mute?
They can't tell you "no."
Why are Jews terrible cooks?
They're afraid to get near the oven
taking the art out of rap artist.
Why do Jewish men get circumcised?
Because no Jewish woman will touch anything that isn’t twenty percent off.
What's the difference between blessing and molesting?
Nothing, if you are the Pope
She stood alone on the edge of a cliff....
Contemplating suicide when a nasty old bum walked up and asked her what she was doing. "I'm going to kill myself" she said. The bum then asked "Well, if you're gonna kill yourself do you wanna have sex first?" "Oh Hell no!" the girl replied. "Fine" said the bum. "I'll just wait at the bottom then"
I hate these body double standards. At the crematorium I am doing my job
At the nursing home I am getting rid of evidence
How do you know when a prostitute is full ?
Her nose is running
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers”. She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
- my first time driving was alot like my first time having sex